It's Mother's Day week, and I thought I would take some time to write about my mom, Martha. Mom was thoughtful, practical and fun, but also could be very stern. She did not have an easy life. It must have been hard for her that Dad got treated like a king at home while she did almost all the work. She was with us every day, while Dad appeared on weekends like a special treat. But once we grew up and moved out of the house, Mom was the one most of us called regularly, just to chat, and I got my best advise from her. She always had a kind word, a fun story or thoughtful wisdom that I, a young wife and mother, appreciated.
Martha grew up in Indiana. Her mother, Mary, was hard working and strict. Mary worked as a nanny and housekeeper for wealthy families and was not happy about it. Mom's father, Thomas, had tuberculosis and was confined to a sanatorium for treatment soon after Martha was born. He died when Mom was about four years old.
As a small child, Mom had osteomyelitis and was hospitalized for a long period of time. It was painful and scary for her. Because her mother, Mary, was in her own depressed world, she rarely visited Martha at the hospital. In the late 1920's, treatment for osteomyelitis included exposing the leg bones to scrape away the infection. They also used leeches to prevent swelling and to reduce pain. Not an easy course of treatment for a child less than 5 years old, especially without the loving support of parents. The long, silvery scars that began at Mom's knees and ran to her ankles were a constant reminder not only of this physical hurt in her childhood, but how her demeanor and mental health were affected from being left so painfully alone.
A few years after Thomas died, Mary remarried a nice man with two children named George. Suddenly Martha had a step-sister and brother, Jean and Raymond. George was a good natured steel worker and kind to Mom.
The biggest influences in mom's life were her grandmother, Sophie, and her uncles, John and Emil. Sophie was a little powerhouse who taught Mom how to properly keep house, but also gave her a big doses of love. Sophie had a profound influence on Mom's self-esteem. Uncle John and Uncle Emil were always in Mom's corner, especially when she decided to start nursing school - Mary had been told it was a waste of money because Martha's legs would never be able to withstand the pace of a Registered Nurse. John and Emil stood up to convince their sister that Mom was strong and determined, resulting in Martha being allowed to start nurses training.
Martha aspired to help people who were hospitalized, many without a voice (as she had been as a child). Because of her ambitious career path and her rocky relationship with her mother, marriage and motherhood were definitely not part of her plans. Even when she met a smart, handsome, and ambitious guy named Richard.
As Dad told it, Mom had been dating one of his friends. The friend had been introduced to another girl that interested him, but he didn't want to let Martha go just yet. He asked Dad to invite Mom out for coffee so he could check out the other girl. Well, just like in a sitcom, Dad liked Martha so much that his friend never got Mom back. And although Martha insisted that she didn't want to marry, Dad eventually convinced her and they became engaged.
Since Mom wanted to be married in the Catholic church, Dad converted to Catholicism and received the sacraments of Baptism, Holy Communion and Confirmation in the months before their wedding. After the wedding, Mom became pregnant, even though she said she really didn't want children. Being good Catholics, the children kept coming and Martha gave up her nursing career to stay home.
My first memories of Mom start in the happy days when we lived on Talbot Drive. With four children under the age of seven and another on the way, Mom was always working. Everything was under control the day we moved into our new neighborhood. I remember playing Uncle Wiggley in the room that was first our den, later the bedroom I shared I with Margie. I loved it when Mom would let me help her fold laundry. She often would sing a song that I remember (in my little kid mind) was called "Alice Blue Gown." I can remember asking her to sing it for me on many days.
Thru the years, the new babies and new houses, Mom took care of her brood. She did all the cleaning, laundry, planning, chauffeuring, discipline, coaching and cooking (OK - sometimes Dad would grill). She was also the neighborhood nurse whenever anyone we knew got hurt. She washed and folded over a hundred of diapers every week for almost 20 years. She wore nurses shoes for the comfort and rarely wore pants or shorts. I don't think I ever saw her in blue jeans.
There were many times Mom was my hero. I know all of us kids had moments that Mom would swoop in and save the day. There were also times we swore we'd never forgive her for. But mostly, she was just our Mom - in the station wagon wearing the cat's-eye Ray Ban sunglasses with the rhinestones in the corners she liked so much.
Mom loved to travel - some of her best times were when she was planning a trip with Dad. She also loved to entertain and was a master party planner. Mom and Dad didn't entertain often, but when they did no detail was too small or overlooked. Their parties were beautiful, elegant and delicious. And Mom was able to pass that sense of style and class to her children - we all give excellent parties today!
When Dad finally retired, they moved to a cute little house in Florida. Martha finally had relief from much of the stress that had burdened her for so many years. There was finally room for creativity, and Mom loved participating in art and poetry sessions in their community.
I credit my parents with so many, many good things I achieved from being their daughter. Especially my Mom, who was teaching me even when I didn't know I was learning.
I could write several more pages about Mom and still not convey the feelings l have about her. I just know that Mom taught me so much and I have missed her every single day for the last 15 years.
Happy Mother's Day in heaven, Mom. I love you.